read.comment on National Day eve party.tried new games.

read most time in night. comment on the CCTV party on National Day eve&hurt ema. later tried new games.

sorted&dozed&read.

sorted stuff newly got in office. then dozed. dined outside, with beef pies&mutton soup. read a book on the difference among culture of Korea, Japan, China.

continued posting last blog.

push last blog entry to more family public channels after got up. read in greader. the google browser crashed for several times&quite some google service, like igoogle, trends, chrome dev version download home, etc., inaccessible. also let d/l but slow.

post a blog about my longing for new life with recent photos.

post recent photos, strike a blog entry for my craving for new life. created profiles for riveryog&warozhu at yahoo profiles&fine tuned it. sorted their feeds in greader.

bright days with driving hope, hope for new family.

From life as it extends

our city skyline under the brilliant Sun.

From life as it extends

baby son, warren zhu, hope of China, talk to his mom in football game.

From life as it extends

a visiting girl with her pet rabbit.

From life as it extends

baby in football game.

View all

Get your own

more than a week since my last post. this week seemingly main busy with larger sized games, like "front line: fuel of war", and warez's download. i addict to warez, ie. pirate software, like 0day's release, has been a long time. the warez help me a lot when i worked for my previous job, heading design for a enterprise's cable TV branch. after left the job, i tried to keep with the daily float of pirate warez, but finally got up, for too time costing, as well as source of release in China mainly constrained within forums, which i disliked gradually, in the process of my own identity grows, till today's my web presence. u can google "benzrad" or "benzillar", my most frequent namespace, and the result will show u my cyberspace activities. i had told others many times, here i can again assert, Chinese like intimacy, while western citizen more cherish independent open relation. in general, Chinese have more dark view upon social relation, esp. the society, and indeed they behave morally inferior. that's the reason of its culture's fall in recent history. their native born belief turns darker and poorer than God in Christian. they far less respectable than a civilian of the western.

in the beginning i felt anxious about my access to warez, but i felt the open cyberspace should be the larger reality. and now i see the day. now i quite enjoy web hosted warez, like rapidshare, upload, and lots among the net disk, including demostic. i really glad to see my works in these years rewarding, one reason based on its opening and independence, like my sites and domain. i really proud of them.

this week i more times felt the leaving off my old family, and pending status i beset now. i hope i can left my baby son, warren zhu, after he takes elemental school, and sleeps on his own bed. these years, namely, has been 4 years, his parents mainly holding him aside on bed in night, except in 2006 when i lingered in the dormitory of QRRS, my once and long time employer, a state-owned enterprise, just after i fired for divorce with my baby's mother. i all time praying for a new life, for i think from the start the family of my baby's mother is evils, and never fit for me, far less my Royal in God's glory. my baby's mother let me leave my baby several days after his birth, and the evils family, all left to be female, never enjoy sun light and kept in dark from me, including its financial situation which they likely close-mouthed most. in these years, i never gave up finding myself a new life, a new home for my baby to let him enjoy which house he likes to stay. i also felt i deserve a better routine life, esp. better food and enjoyable life style.

these days i sometimes felt gloomy, esp when its indeed cloudy. i reviewed sometimes my depressed love on beauty, on spiritual knowledge, i felt God wouldn't let me equipped with such a subtle eyes and mind of beauty while don't let me enjoy it and hold in constant reach. i believe God forges me and my beloved, just a case of time in search.

these days i noticed a tall neaty girl walked alone the road of QRRS, my once and long time employer, in its rush time. she likely a new employee of the company. i like her temperament. she likely has a long legs, and slim figure. my heart pumps more air and pray more deeper when i saw her each time, and i at once connect her with my missing girl zhou, the love ignite my web search and beginning of most of my cyberspace presence. i pray God now let me reunite with my beloved, and shift my life span toward a new landscape.

yes, that's it, i wouldn't leak more on it. only God know why i put my hope in it. i live for my pray, for my hope, for my bliss from God, my dad.

dream&read.

dreamed in dawn of gathering with senior middle school almni in hometown. surfed after restored os. read in office offline. roamed&reviewed ema's family's evils. hope for new family after again seeing the tall girl walk alone the road outside of my office. also sorted working environment in the os&recent photos. hopefully picasa 3.5 brings lots of handy features for offline operation&shorten time spent online to describe photos&albums.

os again hacked&gmail broke in.

last night av can't update its database. this morning found it can't boot up. last night my google altitude changed while i never touch it. so restored os this morning. p2p site, vercd.com, likely down&i can't continue to download some stuff.

played football with baby&his mom.read all night.

baby soon suggest to play football outside. i follow them. we played awhile with 3 little girls. then kick ball with his mom just arrived. nice moment. then read all night while ema accompany baby gamed on notebook&succeeded in 2 mission in the game "jets 'n' guns". ema brutal to me when i ask enough food&shown her disgust upon my enjoying food. i pray God to remember her cold-blood&selfishness.

sms reply sally. doubting my love&emotional.

sally sms me last night. reply her. noticed a tall girl likely employee of QRRS, my once and long time employer, an old style state-owned enterprise, passing outside of my office these days. deeper pray for the gathering of my beloved, including Masheng, Zhou, Taiwan girl, etc.read after lunch. dozed before returning home. God, my hope now for a new family strongest, bring me a surprise!

got up late&let d/l

got up late&let d/l at once. read awhile, gamed with baby awhile. prepared offline reading for read in office where no Internet.

read all time since returned from office.

baby gamed with his uncle on notebook. i read most of the night. ema gamed on notebook with baby later. i criticized ema's buying milk product&shown her negative report online. she watched carefully. later i suggested the compare between tutor in China with prostitute quoted by a popular writer, for i dislike her tutorial at home for quite some time, but she refute it briefly. she then rest on bed back of me and dirty willed on me. i many times previously blamed her tutoring at home as sex service.

a gloomy day.

went to office later, for preparing offline feedDemon. idled&dozed in the morning in office. read feeds in feeddamon after lunch, in the bitings from facing desk. its always dark since morning. bought baby some KFC food.

dreamed of being urged by baby's mom&grandma.

in dawn dreamed long about baby's mom&grandma urged me to be active on sex, while i all time praying for my new wives&prepared myself saintly.its a gloomy morning. let d/l after got up.

d/l&sort assets.

got up as usual&let d/l at once.backup some stuff to dvds&catalog them.gamed with baby on notebook many times. also read some time. later showered in public bathroom when baby played pc games with his uncle who here receive tutorials. tried Internet TV but in vain.

gamed&d/l.setup file share in home networks.

most of day reading in greader, while let d/l.in the mid setup file share among 3 computers.gamed&tried new games with baby.

ema treat us with bones.

gamed with baby all night, after a rich bone.ema enjoyed first time read her favorite novels online with us,while baby insisted gamed locally.

family computers all got Internet connect.

idle all morning in office, haunted in neighbor room&chat, while let notebook defrag.the gay on facing desk bite heavily since work time.then buzzed ema&she let me going to buy boardband router myself for she occupied by students at home.i did in a flash, then went to office to find wires. a once colleague let his man made for me.i settled&all 3 computer at home got wired now. really cozy!

read since returned home.

hunted for d/l while reading in greader.gamed on notebook with baby after he with his mom returned.ema cooked fried fishes for dinner.later boast online life to urge baby&his mom adopt cyberspace life.

peaceful bright morning.

last night ema shown reconcile by sleeping align me with our baby.last night's sleep was very sound.its again a brilliant sunny morning.i read all time.there r some demon pests my google forum, join almost all of my family google groups&post porn messages.

fine tuned my htxt&wp.

correct my main wordpress blog's theme.correct one hellotxt autoposting in the morning, in bright sunshine.cared d/l all morning and later afternoon. the so said the scond floor house owner buzzed in to ask let solar power worker making the installation&ask for aid if need. i let first time but refused the scond time. chat with hometown folk works in Shenzhen about his work. ema returned at noon.backup a large font pack to dvd. gamed on notebook since baby returned from his kindergarten with his mom. ema tutored 2 bitchs, tall boy students who dirt the air like usual and more. later i ask ema why she don't refuse the evils, but she refused to tell the truth as usual. God sees the ploit.

dream of past eldest sister&dad.

dream of in eldest sister's home, where i offer the to a visiting beggar, but kid brother or other family member blamed me. our parents and eldest sister couples came to see. i blamed them blaming me for such a trifle item. i said can't i afford such a clothing rubbing plate?

dream of past eldest sister&dad.

dream of in eldest sister's home, where i offer the to a visiting beggar, but kid brother or other family member blamed me. our parents and eldest sister couples came to see. i blamed them blaming me for such a trifle item. i said can't i afford such a clothing rubbing plate?

cared d/l.gamed on n

cared d/l.gamed on notebook with baby.later baby watched animation online, while i tried new game just got.

God shown me my second third wife, the Taiwan girl's will of uniting with my Royal.

dozed after let d/l.also dozed in office.idle all time in the morning,when its bright.tried&found my qq account don't locked by cops,on a colleague's computer.read awhile biography of a biology scientist,till the nasty gay on facing desk started profane on his seat.hesitated to buy baby his favorite food for my account dicpict, but go to buy again as God lets.

God shown me my second third wife, the Taiwan girl's will of uniting my Royal.

dozed after let d/l.also dozed in office.idle all time in the morning,when its bright.tried&found my qq account don't locked by cops,on a colleague's computer.read awhile biography of a biology scientist,till the nasty gay on facing desk started profane on his seat.hesitated to buy baby his favorite food for my account dicpict, but go to buy again as God lets.

late sleep&sleepy af

late sleep&sleepy after got up.dreamed lost my bike in dawn, and lots of worries about it.

late sleep&sleepy af

late sleep&sleepy after got up.dreamed lost my bike in dawn, and lots of worries about it.

showered in public b

showered in public bathroom&under dogs' biting.the evil uncle of baby's here gamed on notebook with baby.idle most of time.ema gamed with baby on notebook awhile while i attempted to read.ema urged to sleep earlier.

showered in public b

showered in public bathroom&under dogs' biting.the evil uncle of baby's here gamed on notebook with baby.idle most of time.ema gamed with baby on notebook awhile while i attempted to read.ema urged to sleep earlier.

it drizzled last night.fine tuned auto-post in hellotxt&theme in posterous.

some pool left on ground from last night's little rain.i launched to add new flickr autopost in my hellotxt.then fine tuned family posterous, which now support theme&logo.baby aksed to game&we played games sometimes.God bless my cyberspace palace&its shine.

full of play.

the grandma&baby's uncle soon visited.soon ema broght baby home,they haunted the largest park in Qiqihar, where baby played some paid games.baby then gamed on pc with his uncle.lunch is great, for the grandma cooked fish&pork.baby slept lately, around 2pm.i also did.ema these days tutored less students at home.i let d/l all time.

full of play.

the grandma&baby's uncle soon visited.soon ema broght baby home,they haunted the largest park in Qiqihar, where baby played some paid games.baby then gamed on pc with his uncle.lunch is great, for the grandma cooked fish&pork.baby slept lately, around 2pm.i also did.ema these days tutored less students at home.i let d/l all time.

dreamed of God&his way:anything u call upon will bring to u, never any redemption.

dreamed of God,in a situation i assured people all r free to ask to meet their ends.got up to make water,then slept again, till baby got up.ema suggested haunting park,but its a gloomy morning, so i persuade baby lingering home with pc games. baby gamed some time then his mom brought him outside while i read here.

dreamed of God&his way:anything u call upon will bring to u, never any redemption.

dreamed of God,in a situation i assured people all r free to ask to meet their ends.got up to make water,then slept again, till baby got up.ema suggested haunting park,but its a gloomy morning, so i persuade baby lingering home with pc games. baby gamed some time then his mom brought him outside while i read here.

read most of time at home.

first hunt for d/l, then read within my greader.ema cooked spicy dish&white wine for me.i quite enjoyed.read all night.

almost all time in m

almost all time in morning in office dozing.after lunch listening music&doubting my sites.read a while biography of a biologic scientist before returned home.

claimed family accounts with yahoo meme.add 2 new yahoo email.

after posted blog, then received yahoo meme invitation,busy with claiming family meme accounts since then till now finished.had to claim 2 new yahoo passport to fulfill family frequent namespaces with meme.however, so nice to see it completed now.all my assets.

claimed family accounts with yahoo meme.add 2 new yahoo email.

after posted blog, then received yahoo meme invitation,busy with claiming family meme accounts since then till now finished.had to claim 2 new yahoo passport to fulfill family frequent namespaces with meme.however, so nice to see it completed now.all my assets.

last morning prepare

last morning prepared a blog entry in office.post it after return home.

pray for new life, with my beloved

From Family&folks âˆ' hometown journey

benzrad, me, in hometown journey, on front yard of his passed dad's house.

family entertained in a nearby river soon after reunited.

baby bathed in warm Autumn dusk.

baby son bathed in warm Autumn dusk from be21zh on Vimeo.

OR if vimeo inaccessible under censorship visit it hosted on Flickr:

From life as it extends

3 days before the day i left my hometown, village Zhudajiu, where i lingered for 3 months,and lives here my baby's mother's home for 3 months. life quite regular between my office and baby's mother,emakingir's house. i routinely stay in office for 5 hours, from 8:30am to 2:30 pm. in office i rip off Internet access and had to find other things to kill time. first i used roommate's Internet access when he absent, but the demon with a born spying eye trying to bargain with me payment for the usage, so i now totally stay in office offline. mostly i can immersed in reading ebook, esp. biographies of scientists, or sorting my hard disk, enjoy the plenty of warez and ebooks got from web.anyone really love the web can't praise the boundlessness of evaluable resources, most of them can gain by download. that lesson exactly the American people, who enjoy booming of information explosion since the descending of Internet, teaches me, and leads me to deep faith in God's saint and meaningful.i learn God from US people and their well beings.

since the first day i rejoin the office life, i remind myself being idle in office can be a beneficial experience for my mission, for the road of God over China needs time to clear unclear and bias. and according to most Chinese living standard i shouldn't rely on the speediness and expedience of Internet on finger tip. and my threat to the China authority nowadays can't be hidden by the peace so far i enjoyed. so i decided to enjoy leisure of mind as well as bodily in office where most staff wasting the resourceful Internet, doing board games, reading novels, watching movies, or even fed up by turning away, all this kind of simpler and boring activities. i know a far larger and firmer world beyond the constrain i was set in this eccentric city of northeastern China i grew 19 years just to overcome it to see through all China territory and beyond the Pacific ocean. i know God let me stand firmly on my own feet, after pains and endurance of empty brain and tastelessness.

Its a sunny day, even sometimes flow over some clouds.last night it drizzled, after the bright sunset of yesterday. I felt surely i was baptized when i got up earlier and launched to setup auto posting on some sites of mine, after one of my account reported compromised.China surveillance capture my web traffic with a spying eye on my web confidential not for moments, but for years without break.i trust my words to God, just likes my mission here in the barren and scurry land since the fell of Ming Dynasty, whose Emperor bred me and my Royal of China again in progress.

this moment i saw the still green and yellow leaves of trees outside of my office. a even brighter future for China in my view. i belongs to God, my dad, and lives long, manly and energetic as the Son, source of saviour for livings on the earth. China lives, and only lives in God's bless, no other way to save itself. and a more cohesive world lives in love, brotherhood, and most of all, faith in God one.

OK, i bid a lot here about the right path. i praying every moment for my new life with my fiancees, my source of young, passion of life. i praying for gathering with my beloved, Masheng, Zhou, Taiwan girl, Lü, Jiangyue. i pray for my wedding with my girls, and my first house of my own, with my bride or brides. i deserved a new life now, with my tenderest.

expand recent namespace to twitter&htxt.

got up earlier to claim riveryog&warozhu with twitter&hellotxt.customized them.also fine tune some htxt autopost.sorted/backup.

busy with d/l.

hunt for warez to d/l.baby watched animation online for some time.migrate stuff newly got.later read online.

quite boring in the

quite boring in the mroning in office.the dog on facing desk puffing cigarette&bite,i watches surfing people in neighbor room.later dozed.read autobiography of a Nobel biology medalist after lunch.

fine tuned my google

fine tuned my google account, for its reported hacked&compromised by google okut.also restored os for its also abnormal recently.

sorted stuff&bookmarks locally.

got up earlier around 5am.let d/l&dozed again till 8am got up.sorted stuff newly got from web in office.later sorted bookmarks, forcing most google service to https secure connect.

hunted for stuff to

hunted for stuff to d/l.ema cooked shrimps&other delicious dishes.baby watched animation.i read some time since ema's students left.

continued to post recent blog entry.

got up earlier after woke up.finished posting to most family blogs, including domestic blogs.

baby bathed in warm Autumn dusk

Posted by    benzrad zhu  to  benzyrnill, set to fly, like dragon fly...

Embedded media -- click here to see it.

baby son bathed in warm Autumn dusk from be21zh on Vimeo.

 

  baby just haunted outside with his grandma, while i busy with posting his recent paintings, as well as my recent photos.then his mother bathed him even there is a boy student receiving ema's tutorial here. i dislike ema don't pay attention to privacy but God shows me it doesn't matter.its a warm Autumn dusk, bright and dry sunshine through the window of our balcony cast a loveable and moving family peace in the house.

 

Ps: i also just got showered in public bathroom. a nice weekend.

visit this album on google picasaweb .

View this post »

Leave a comment »

View all

Get your own

View all

Get your own

tags:life,family,baby,son,bath,love

road toward peace&grace

Posted by     benzrad zhu  to  benzyrnill, set to fly, like dragon fly...

2 months passed since my return from my hometown, Zhudajiu, Central China. i quite enjoyed the peace in office, even the place rampant abnormal persons, esp. dogs on desk facing&backing me.God just shown me i can't rest on harmony.i saw my works here preparing baby more enjoyable pc games rewarding.baby grows so smart that my only complain is that i too cozy to blog about my mission here on the earth.recently i just finished reading to Nash's biography.that remind me of baby can be idle in the infinite possibilities of his road on this planet. however, God let me more and more at sure that his arrangement the best arrangement.Sigh! God, i really enjoy my life!

It has been a series of bright sunny days, since the night i told baby his mission and the history of world as well as of China.it then lately in night, i summon my speech with this closure: the world to come surely under changing, its ur task to make the different. next morning it drizzled, so auspicious! i read in office, and left office earlier with a box of bottle water from the highest mountains in southwestern China, Tibet, dispatched by my  once and long time employer, a state-owned  enterprise. in the later afternoon after i read some time at home, it started to turn into brilliant sunshine.

so many moving moment in my life and my talk with God, with my second wife, Masheng, from Japan. i never be surer at this moment that me is the best blessed, and my life is the most glorious on the earth.

Ok, time to bit farewell now. i love my girls in praying for our gathering. i love my world to emerging.

      

visit  this album  at  google picasaweb .

watched tv while bab

watched tv while baby watched animation online.baby asked to sleep earlier for too exhausted after long time played outside.

got up later.let d/l

got up later.let d/l.baby watched animation online while i sorted stuff&backup to dvd.ema tutoring.

ema cooked me a dish

ema cooked me a dish of vegetable,rarely recently.baby watched animation all night.i tried new games.we played games some time.

a drizzled morning.baptised.

when i left its dooming but i felt a bit relaxed.in morning finished reading Nash's biography, felt more better upon if God let baby idle.after lunch the monitor told me about the department dispatching each staff a box of bottle water, i left to fetch&returned ema's house.bought baby 2 cakes,esp after last night told baby i can't buy him his favorite food like KFC any more before my bank account has surplus again, for just being blessed.then surf at home, fine tuned ema's&my qq alumni, a Chinese main stream community.China surveillance blocked&lagged me for quite some time when i operate in Ms ie,while in firefox better.

dream of large cat.

last night talk with baby about the world&its histroy.in dawn dream of a large cat outside of our window&startled to scream.sleepy after got up.

felt a bit anxious.

felt depressed after reunited with baby&found my finance status unstable.review made me even lower&complained the dull food, cooked by ema's mother while she seldom cooked,except reading her exotic novels.baby watched Japanese animation&gradually attracted me.felt deeper thoughts await me cast sight.now quite better about God&my task here in his way.

read Nash's biography all time.

dozed in office in the morning.then read biography of Nash since then.dog on facing desk monitored me at noon,left till after received call of dine.bought baby KFC.baby&his mom returned home soon after i arrived&surfed.

dreamed of entertain

dreamed of entertained in parties.loves 2 girls there respectively.

add family posterous blogs into our adsense.

since got up busy with connect family posterous blogs, which recently added function of feedburner's ad for feeds, with my adsense feedburner.also add autopost to family scribd.com accounts.nicely done.

dream of Japan.

dreamed living with a Japanese house, which seat along a river,on the inner side of the bank.met another patriot who boast hatred between the nations.rest of the dream lingering on the struggle between the 2 side competed.

read&listen radio&hu

read&listen radio&hunt for d/l.gamed with baby with new funny games.fine tuned my gcal feeds, adding more twistory.net converting family twitter into gcal events.&backup.

claimed new 3 blogs with posterous.

sleepy after got up, but bright sunshine let me engaged with expanding my recent namespace to posterous, after acquire them from blogger&wordpress.narrowly done at home&fine tuned them in office after lunch.bookmark&catalog.also created a group with scribd.com for IIDChina.read Nash's biography since then.got a bonus of ￥300 for coming lunar Mid-Autumn Day.bought baby a moon cake of ￥13.

rest awhile after re

rest awhile after returned.gamed with baby for some time.read most of time while d/l.

fine tuned family google blogs.

showered after lunch.then deposit for baby.got some ends of wood from a house under refurnishment on the ground&succeeded to let our 2 computer desks surfaced leveled. baby gamed on my new notebook with his cousin.then i launched to fine tune my new blogs, adding google track code, adding links to family album&switch template for a wordpress blog.all done via proxy.ema bought ready food&i dined till fine tune finished.

sleepy after got up.

sleepy after got up.so dozed while let d/l.second time since my return to Qiqihar wet myself.got up&found ema brought baby outside, only her nephew here alone study.tried to read till ema&baby returned.dozed till lunch with needle.also ate a jar of fish ema bought.baby gamed with his mother's nephew while i read.

dream of being observed.

dreamed of a seminar&a phsychologist, who observed me. he launched a train program to let us walk distantly. i only bring a box with towel,2 medicine.or another item.the tutor discussed my character. i reveal the mighty of God.got up to urine.got known my attitude was spied&researched by the authority.

read&hunt for games&warez to d/l.

gamed sometimes with baby, who played pc games with his uncle for quite some time. the uncle challenged me since then, quit till i left to make water.hunt for game to d/l via feeds i subscribed.ema again upset by baby's linger in front of pc.

claimed 3 blogs with blogger&wordpress each.

got up as usual&let d/l which queued quite some.read some time then launched to claim blogs in title of IIDChina/riveryog/warozhu with blogger&wordpress, via proxy.sorted assest&bookmark. China surveillance likely broke into my google account, for my google lattitude strangely changed to Prinston, US while i never touch it.dogs around in the residential building wildly babbled about web outside of our window in aim to let me know their surveillance.later gamed with baby,who earlier gamed with his cousin recently absent from ema's tutoring list.its a nice bright day, even sunshine weak for here Autumn now.

dozed in office most

dozed in office most of morning. sorted stuff on my notebook after lunch.returned home earlier around 2pm.let d/l&read online. gamed with baby on acer notebook after he returned from his kindergarten.ema tutored the boy student who all time spying and challenged me alone.later read online.

taught baby's mother, emakingir, to use google products.

this morning i prepared full working environment on my acer notebook for ema,but she was locked out for missing password.this night shown her the power of google products, esp. docs she badly needs.baby insisted to game for some time&irritated for our occupation.surfing heavily lagged again here.

taught baby's mother, emakingir, to use google products.

this morning i prepared full working environment on my acer notebook for ema,but she was locked out for missing password.this night shown her the power of google products, esp. docs she badly needs.baby insisted to game for some time&irritated for our occupation.surfing heavily lagged again here.

taught baby's mother, emakingir, to use google products.

this morning i prepared full working environment on my acer notebook for ema,but she was locked out for missing password.this night shown her the power of google products, esp. docs she badly needs.baby insisted to game for some time&irritated for our occupation.surfing heavily lagged again here.

God shown me his bliss.

idle some time in the morning.the company offer 200rmb&the bullshits monitor order me over to fetch, he despised me after i refused.read biography of Nash&in the love of God, baby son.

gamed with baby all

gamed with baby all night while backup stuff newly got.lately tried new bootable cd&found it working.this morning got up earlier to fix the backup of vista on my new acer notebook.

baby first time rejoin kindergarten again.

baby cried in morning for loathing to join kindergarten.i scorned him but his mom tried to pacified him by bringing him out.i idle most time in office.the colleague offered me windows 7&bootable cd image as promised.treated myself with favorite food.in restaurant met some girls.finished reading to autobiography of Simon&started to read biography of Nash.